Grieving siblings

Yesterday was back to school for my girls leaving me home alone with my littlest one all day. I will admit, it was very lonely, too often I found myself thinking about how wrong the quietness was. I was looking forward to just having the boys home during the day...I missed out on that last year as we were either in hospital or running to and from appointments and daddy was home too or the littlest one was gone. The silence was nice for a part of the the day - the morning where I can just have "me" time but as my little guy wanders, calling out for his big sister, the sadness sets in - he is supposed to be running around outside with his brother getting into trouble together. Cash is supposed to be teaching him all the the things I had hoped he wouldn't, they'd be in daddy's shop getting into trouble all the while giggling...I can picture it so clear - and then reality hits.I feel like I am stuck in a time warp. I KNOW everything is real and yet it seems so unbelievable. I can't even imagine at a child's level, what it is like for my kids and the pain and sorrow they feel. It makes me sad that they even had to experience it....

I hope & pray in their own way they are able to process and understand what has happened. I hope & pray that they feel safe and secure. I hope & pray that their pain isn't so deep that they feel alone and confused. I hope & pray that as a parent, I have explained everything to the best of my ability and the answers that I have given them are satisfactory for now. I hope & pray they never feel less than in anything they do because their parents are always missing their brother. I hope & pray that God will continue to shine in their lives and never be overshadowed by grief. I hope that they see the light in the darkness. I hope & pray that they always look for the positive in any situation even when it doesn't seem like there is.. because there always is to be found. I hope & pray that they know it's HEALTHY and okay to talk about their brother and that it's okay that they miss him, cry for him and pray for him. I hope & pray they know that we love them so incredibly much and will do anything we can to protect them...and that we pray for them daily. I hope & pray that they know that if they live life right and for God, they will see their brother again.

If you know parents that are going through cancer with a child and there are siblings...send a little extra love and prayer for those kids. They are going through a whole lot too! They are aware of everything they just might not have the ability to express their feelings!  They take on more then we can possibly imagine - even I can't and I have some of these kids. They are heroes too for enduring lack of attention from mom and dad, endless hours separated from their parents AND siblings, a whole new and different life that they are used to, and a wall of many different emotions that they are feeling and that they are watching others go through.

I'm thankful to God for the peace that he provided for us while going through this where our kids never saw us upset or angry about it. They just saw the love, love, love that we have truly felt. They saw and experienced the kindness of strangers, friends and family. The compassion and care we were given. They witnessed many miracles. They witnessed perseverance at it's finest with their brother and all the obstacles he overcame in a short 7 months. They witnessed God in action and still do everyday through our actions and reactions to something so tragic. Only God can give a peace that passes all understanding. We are truly at peace with Cash's passing, it just doesn't make it easy or take the pain away.

Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you. (2 Thessalonians 3:16)