March 14, 2014

We made it. By the grace of God we made it through the anniversary of his passing. All in one piece. As in our way of doing things, we left for the weekend; packed up the kids, booked a hotel with a fun pool and avoided being home. Tears were shed on the way to our hotel but we focused on our kids, made the choice to stay positive, reminisced the happy times, laughed with our kids, smiled as we played in the pool and just enjoyed them. 

I wrote a tribute out to him on his fb page here, I won't re write it all out. I am so thankful that we made it and so blessed to have had so many people remember him. A friend came by with a special gift...Cash now has a star named after him! Ironically this star is most visible right around his birthday in May. Through this journey we have met so many incredible people. We have so many continuously praying for us and thinking of us, many that we have never even met but that have read our story and been impacted by it. We are truly blessed. Some days it's easy to get caught up in the "now" that we miss all the blessings around us. I know that is how it was for me last week. Our barn collapsed and although we had been paying insurance on it - they won't cover us for any of it so now we are left with trying to find a way to come up with the money to clean it up - money that we just don't have and yet this is a huge safety concern for our other kids. All we can do is pray about it that it will all work out and be cleaned up. I was so consumed and stressed out about it that I was missing and forgetting about all the other blessings that were happening around me. I have struggled alot with my family through this ( I haven't heard from a few of them - even on March 14) I won't lie, it hurts - alot. I really shouldn't be as this is just so very typical behaviour but it does hurt, beyond words. But the blessing even with the deep hurt - I have met people that are now like family to me. They love my kids as their own, they pray for us, encourage us, love us. My youngest girl left her toque at a restaurant in the city we went to for the weekend. We realised it too late and couldn't go back to get it. When I tracked it down - I put out a call on facebook (I love and despise fb) for any trucker friends that may be passing through or anyone headed down there. Well, someone whom I had not yet physically met before happened to be going through that very same day and picked it up for us! What an incredible blessing!! The kindness of complete strangers! I am so blessed to have many people like that in my life - it helps ease the pain of the hurt from the others. God always places the right people in your life when you need it - and he also gives you courage and strength to let go of the ones that shouldn't be in your life (still working on that one). 

Now that we have made it through, my baby girls tough days are lessening (she was crying everyday at school for a while wanting me because she was missing Cash so badly) and we are focusing on the now and tomorrow. It's not easy for any of us but we know that we must go on. One foot in front of the other, some days easier said then done but with prayer and encouragement we have made it this far. Our focus is our children - they keep us going on the days we'd rather stay in bed.

 Blessed. Grateful. Humbled.Forgiven. Loved. That is what we are. No matter what is going on in our lives for the moment we are always Blessed. Grateful. Humbled. Forgiven. Loved.

We are always thankful to have been blessed with an incredible little boy who did more in this 2 1/2 years then we will ever do throughout our lifetimes. Honoured to have been chosen to care for him and be his parents here on Earth - even if it was for a short while. Grateful for the fact that next time I hold him, it will be for an eternity where only joy, peace, health, and love reigns. Humbled and grateful that God sent his son to die on the cross for our sins so that we may have ETERNAL life. What a gift we were given. What love for us....

 "For God SO loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life". - John 3:16

God completely understands our pain as parents of losing our child...he feels our pain, he knows it...he too went through it for a purpose. Cashs' death too was not without purpose, he showed us what it was to LOVE. To love unconditionally, to cherish, to live, to forgive, to be grateful, to love God and lean on him. I am eternally thankful for those things he left with us.